Realities of Life
by ShiningHopeBeast
Summary: This will be the first in a series (maybe) about the relationship between Raven and Beast Boy. In this story, Beast Boy is struggling to deal with depression, and Raven, an "expert" on emotions, offers help. WARNING: contains themes such as depression, suicide, etc. Rated T for safety
1. Depression

Quick A/N: This is my first story, so it may not be very good. I hope you enjoy!

Thoughts will be in **bold** , and whispers will be in _italics_.

 **DISCLAIMER** : I do not own Teen Titans or any other DC characters. I only own the story line.

Now, onto the story!

. . .

Chapter One: Depression

Superhero life can seem exciting and carefree to many people, but a lot of citizens know troubles of wearing the spandex.

Property damage was common in fights, and who had to pay for it? The superheroes.

Some may think they can do anything they want, because of their powers, but in reality, superheroes have to be twice as careful, to keep their reputation, money, and morality.

A few people think that superheroes always have fun, inside and outside of their jobs. They believe that their role models live ideal lives.

However, superheroes have a lot to worry about, including stress, fear, love, and even- depression. Beast Boy was a sure guarantee of that.

He sat on the roof and looked out on the city. The mesmerizing lights glowed in the dying light, and everything seemed so distant, so far away. The only things around him were the soft breath of the wind and the hum, buzz, and rush of the city and the water. All other things were of no thougt to the Titan.

But not his pain. As he watched the sunset, he relived all the worst moments in his life.

When he failed his parents.

When he was forced to do terrible things.

When he was beaten and tortured, as a decoy or distraction, for the sake of the mission.

When he became the Beast.

When Terra didn't trust him.

When Terra betrayed him.

When Terra rejected him.

That had hurt the most. He had thought so surely that they truly loved each other, that they were meant for each other, that they would find a way, through hard times and easy times, though sometimes "the rubber met the road".

He had tried to convince himself that he still loved her, that things hadn't changed, that he had a stability in his life. He tried to make himself believe that everything was alright.

But he failed. He understood that their relationship was lost, that things had indeed changed, that he simply didn't love her anymore. That even though they once had a chance, that chance was forever lost.

And then he wondered what he was going to do next. Keep living the same life, fighting villains, doing the right thing? That seemed like a reasonable thing to do.

But then every time he'd see her, his heart would crumble more and more, until he had nothing left to live.

Or he could end his life now, save himself from the pain and the slow agony of his heart being ripped apart piece by piece, his life being taken away bit by bit.

He was being very selfish, he knew, but his mind was drowned in his sorrows, and his depression overwhelmed him. He ddn't consider the weight of his actions, the cowardice and the evil weaved in between the lines.

He slowly stood up. He didn't hear the roof door opening, or the soft voice saying his name.

 _Beast Boy? Are you ok?_

He leaned over the edge.

(Scene break)

. . .

Thanks for reading! All reviews are greatly appreciated. Please give me feedback and tell me whether I should continue this story or not.

ITNOJ- SHB😉


	2. Friends

Quick A/N: Thanks for ya'll who reviewed. It is very encouraging. Sorry for the short chapters. I'm just getting the hang of this.

 **DISCLAIMER** : I own nothing but the story line.

Ok, on with the story!

. . .

Chapter 2: Friends

The feeling of falling. So carefree, uplifting. Nothing to worry about.

He knew that it would soon be over, and that he would not have to think about anything anymore, feel anything anymore.

Until his fall suddenly stopped.

Dazed, he opened his eyes and saw black, with a hint of shape and color behind the dark wall.

The darkness disappeared, and he had to blink his eyes to accustom to the brightness of the sunlight.

"Wha-?"

"What were you thinking?" asked a soft voice. He could faintly hear hints of concern and anger woven into the emotionless monotone.

'I- I wasn't. Thinkning."

"You were most definitely thinking. But in the worst way possible."

"I-"

"Come," she said, grabbing his arm and gently leading him down the stairs. Still dazed, he followed silently, until he realized that they had entered into Raven's room.

"We're in. . ."

"Yes, we're in my room. Now drink." She handed him a cup of steaming tea. Without complaining, he sipped quietly, realizing that it wasn't as bad as he thought it would be.

"Sit down and think for a while, and then we'll talk," she continued. Waving he hand, she lit up the candles in her room and brought up a couple of chairs.

He sat down and closed his eyes, taking another sip of tea.

 **Why did I just do that? I didn't even think about my friends. I didn't even think about what I was doing, I just- did it. If Raven wasn't there. . .**

As Raven waited with her own mug of tea she gazed at Beast Boy, with the slightest hint of worry, disappointment, anger, and wistfulness in her features.

 **Why does Terra keep breaking his heart? How can he still love her after she caused him so much pain? How can someone be so much in love to kill themselves because of rejection?** **I'll never understand, because I'll never be able to love. . .**

After a couple minutes, Beast Boy opened his eyes slowly. His eyes rested on a cluster of lit candles, and his gaze was captivated by the dancing flames. After a few seconds, he began to speak.

"I- I. . . don't love her anymore," he began. Raven looked at the side of his head, a question in her eyes, but remained silent. "I mean, I still like her, as a friend, but I'm just, not in love with her anymore, y'know?"

He turned his head to face her, his eyes downcast. "I tried so hard to make myself believe that things haven't changed, but I now finally acknowledge that things are different. That we were just, not meant to be, I guess.

"And then I asked myself, 'Now what am I going to do? I could like, continue with things the way they are, but then, every time I see her, I'm gonna break all over again.'

"I wouldn't be able to deal with the pain. Not like you. I can't contain my emotions. I eventually would break sometime, so I told myself, 'Why not avoid the pain now?'

"I didn't even consider you guys. I just, did it, y'know? And if you hadn't been there-" he continued, bringing his gaze to meet hers, shivering as goosebumps crawled down his arms.

She held up her hand to silence him. "We don't need to dwell on that. What you need to think about first is: Do you hold any grudges? Are you bitter?"

He thought for a moment. Had he truly forgiven Terra?

The first time she left, yes. It wasn't really right to blame her at all, really. She misunderstood, and it was very reasonable to blame him, although it had stung when he realized that, by believing he had told the others, she had shown that she didn't trust him entirely.

The second time, when she betrayed him? Yes. Even though she turned against them, he had forgiven her. He had loved her, and she was his friend. He could never hate her.

When she rejected him? Even though she had lost her memories, she didn't even really give him a chance. She didn't let them have a new start, or even a whole new relationship. She chose to ignore him, reject him, and banish him from her life entirely. She humiliated and shamed him, and looking back now, he realized that she only had listenedt to him so much out of pity.

"Yes," he answered Raven. He repeated himself more surely. "Yes."

(Scene break)

. . .

Once again, thank you for the reviews and encouragement. I will try to get the next chapter out ASAP.

ITNOJ- SHB😉


	3. A Fight Gone Wrong

Quick A/N: A great big THANKS to all of you who support this story. My apologies for not updating for a good long while, but I've been really busy with school and stuff. Please review, flames are accepted as long as you provide a good reason for your complaint. I made a few changes to the previous chapters, so be sure to check them out! Two reviews for the next chapter?

This chappy starts a couple of weeks after Chapter Two, and. . . well, you'll see!

 **DISCLAIMER:** None of this is mine except the plot line.

Here we go!

. . .

Chapter Three: A Fight Gone Wrong

The sun was shining brightly on Jump City. Students had forgotten about school, and they were enjoying the summer activities, such as zoos, carnivals, and even eating ice cream. College students either spent their break partying, or getting a part-time job. Children happily played on the beach, and parents relaxed in the sun.

The mall was crowded with consumers who were eager to buy the newest products, such as clothing, food, books, appliances, toys, and electonics. Stores had relatively long lines, and were filled with people. The food court was overflowing with chatter and laughter, the smell of delicious grub circling through the air.

The video game store was particularly crowded, as the latest game- Attack of the Cloud Sharks 3: The Rainbow of Terror- had just been released to the public.

Beat Boy waited eagerly in the line for the new video game, just about to enter the store. The sign above his head was supposed to read: The Video Game Universe, but some troublesome teens had spray painted it, and it had not been replaced yet. Instead, it read: The Video Game **Ripoff** Universe.

He turned enthusiastically to the person accompanying him.

"We're almost there! I can smell old hotdogs, chewing gum, and hair gel!"

"What does that have to do with anything?"

"Well, the food court is right over there," he said as he gesticulated wildly with his arm, "there is a chewing gum stand there, and the hair cutters are next door!"

"I meant, what does that have to do with _video games_?"

"Uhh. . . I may be kinda hyper right now?"

"Thant's an understatement."

The line continued to inch forward, until the two heroes could see the video game display.

"Look! There are only 37 copies left! I hope that we'll be able to get one, don't you?"

"I really don't care."

"C'mon, you know that you secretly want to play video games."

"No, I don't."

"Yeah you do."

"Why did I agree to come with you again?"

"Because Robin and Starfire are on a date, and Cyborg is with Sarah Simms and her students."

She groaned.

They continued to move forwards at an agonizingly slow pace.

"Can't this line move any faster?"

"Don't worry, we're almost there! I'm so excited!"

"If only they allowed you to get an early release copy or something like that. Unfortunately for me, they wouldn't make any exceptions, even for a superhero," she moaned to herself in response.

Finally they had reached the front of the line. Beast Boy shouted with glee.

"YES! FINALLY! I'M SO EXCITED!"

"I think we can tell that."

"And it's the LAST COPY too!"

"Well, at least this little escapade didn't end in disappointment."

Beast Boy reached out to grab it when-

"Hello, Titans! It is I, your archnemesis Control Freak!"

The Titans whirled around to see the aforementioned. Raven groaned.

"I am such a big expert on movies and television shows, as you know-"

"Then what are you doing in a video game store?" asked Raven in a monotone voice.

"Well, I've just acquired a taste for video games because of Attack of the Cloud Sharks: The Reign of Rain, and Attack of the Cloud Sharks 2: The Sun of Darkness, so I just had to get a copy of the latest game: Attack of the Cloud Sharks 3: The Rainbow of Terror. The very last copy is mine!" He grabbed the game right before Beast Boy could, cackling with glee. "See you later, Titans, after I play my newest game!"

Control Freak used his controller to animate cardboard replicas of video game characters, deciding to enjoy the show before running away, to make sure the two Titans wouldn't follow him.

"Attack, my wonderful real, live, characters!"

"You know, that's kind of an oxymoron," stated the young man at the cash register.

"Who are you?" sneered Control Freak. "And who gives you the right to comment on my comments?"

"Well," he replied, "My name is Jack Norlyn, and I am studying to become an English teacher for high school students. . ."

Meanwhile, the creatures began to advance. The Titans engaged in their defensive stances. Beast Boy crouched, muscles tense and ready to transform. Raven stood with her feet apart, hands raised, glowing and crackling with dark energy.

"THE MONSTERS ARE GOING TO EAT US!" shrieked a teenage girl in the crowd, causing people to grow panicked.

"Please, evacuate the area safely while we hold these. . . things off, and remain-"

People screamed and shoved as they ran towards the exit, knocking tables, displays, and other people over in their rush to get out. They almost broke the sliding glass doors as the squeezed through in a great mob.

"-calm."

By this time, the first of the characters had made it halfway to the two heroes.

He was wearing a fanciful black suit, complete with raindrop cuff links and a ring of crystalized water around his head. His eyes had neither pupils nor irises, but it looked like cumulonimbus clouds were stuffed in his sockets. Wherever he walked, he left a trail of puddles behind him, like a snail leaves a trail of slime.

"It's the Prince of Precipitation!" gasped Beast Boy.

"The what?" asked Raven, clearly lacking in the subject.

"The Prince of Precipitation, a novice boss from Attack of the Cloud Sharks 1: The Reign of Rain. He comes from the ancient family Downpour. He lives in his palace in the clouds, with his mother, The Dame of Deluge."

"If he's a prince, then why is he wearing a suit? And why is his mother of lower rank than him?"

"The suit is just what he wears, okay? And his mother got demoted to status of Dame because she used her powers to help save some people from a drought, which is strictly against their laws."

"But why-"

"She got demoted, not executed or banished, because there is a law saying that the Queen cannot be banished or killed."

"Why did I have to ask?" Raven moaned to herself.

By this time, the Prince had crept much closer, and was now only a few feet away.

"What are his weaknesses?" asked Raven, careful to keep her voice free of any panic.

"Well," he began, "he -"

Suddenly, the Prince slammed his fists together, creating a boom of thunder, knocking the Titans off of their feet. Beat Boy slammed into the wall by the cash registers right before Raven crashed into him.

He groaned, then saw Control Freak beginning to run away, more confident that he would be able to escape.

"I'm going after Control Freak!" he said, picking himself off the floor. "You get these guys!"

"But, how do I-" she began. But Beast Boy had already rushed out the door, leaving her alone to fight the monsters.

"defeat them?"

 **Well, I know that his powers are water-based, so to get rid of him I should dry him out** , she reasoned.

Holding her hand up above her head, she gathered a ball energy, making it as hot as she could. She shot it directly at the vile creature.

As soon as it hit him, a loud sizzle filled the air and her disintegrated, his boiling vapor blinking out of existence.

"Well, that's one down, two more to go," she said. Looking up, she tried to gauge the difficulty of the other bosses.

One was a strange ghost-like creature, hovering above the floor by a few feet, glowing with orange and coral. It had no definite shape, but changed shape often, sometimes looking like a cloud, other times looking like a volcano eruption.

The other looked strangely simple, having merely the figure and coloration of a goldfish, yet giant in size and somehow swimming through the air, seemingly unconnected to water in any way. Other than that, it seemed to have little power. It's mouth opened and closed gently, its fins waving above the ground.

"I guess I'll start with the harder-looking one," she said, adding in her head, **But I'll keep my eye on the fish. It's bound to be more than it seems.**

Once again, she figured that, to defeat a fire monster, you have to use water. So, using her powers, she broke open a water fountain, directing the stream at the monster.

It hovered and dodged, evading the powerful streams of water. Raven began to get frustrated, and when she had had enough, whispered, _Azarath_ , _Metrion_ , _Zinthos_!

A great mass of water suddenly spewed from the pipes, forming into a sphere around the fiery specter. I shrank quickly, finally forcing the creature to touch the sides and cool down. As soon as it made contact, it turned into a black, ashy substance which dissipated after a matter of seconds, leaving a smoky smell in the air.

"Two down, one to go," she muttered, focusing her attention on the fish. As she turned to look at it, it glowed a bright neon orange, and out of its mouth came a tornado.

(scene break)

Beast Boy was having a hard time chasing Control Freak. The annoying villain kept sending minor minions at him, ones he was able to stop with a swipe of the paw or a strong headbutt, but costing him precious seconds of time. Plus, he had to make sure he didn't hurt any of the bystanders, like the mother pushing her baby in a stroller, or the man heading to work at the grocery store, of the girls from the high school. . .

Oh, no.

She was there.

 **Oh no, oh no, oh no, oh no. . .**

 **Can't think, can't act,**

 **I'm supposed to be chasing Control Freak**

 **But I can't**

 **I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't. . .**

His thoughts were his jumbled mess, his movements had ceased and he couldn't get himself get get moving again. He was stuck there as several minions began sneaking up on him from behind. . .

Raven was clinging to to cash register with all her might, having had only a few moments to get the employees out of the way. She struggled both physically and mentally, frantically thinking about how to escape.

 **My strength is soon going to fail me. I need to come up with and idea fast.**

Suddenly, with a surge of power, the fish wrenched her off her only aid, and she was quickly being sucked into its now terrifying mouth.

With a great scream of effort, a blast of power suddenly burst from Raven. Everything was still, silent for one second. Then, as the light faded away, Raven dropped to the floor unceremoniously. The fish was gone.

"I've got to go help Beast Boy," She said, and stepped through a portal hurriedly.

Beast Boy had now crouched into a ball, inconspicuous in the dark alley that he had began to turn into when he saw her. She was completely unaware of his presence, and had passed by some thirty seconds ago. In that time, Control Freak's minion had come dangerously close. As one was about to spring, a black field of energy suddenly sprang up around the defenseless shapeshifter.

"Beast Boy!" yelled Raven. "You've got to snap out of it!"

"Can't. . . Terra. . ." he mumbled as he crouched on the ground.

"Yes, you can. I know you can," continued Raven, crouching beside him, holding up her shield against the weak, but numerous attacks from the minions. She laid a hand on his shoulder and firmly shook him. "Come on, Beast Boy, remember what we worked on. Think of something other than her. Focus your mind away from her. Think of something good."

He concentrated as hard as he could, the picture he had chosen before forming in his mind. As he felt his anxiety over Terra fade away, he opened his eyes. He was met with Raven's, with the slightest hint of worry in their amethyst depths. He could also see the tension in her face from holding up the shield.

"Thanks, Rae," he said, and springing up, he ran to meet the troublesome minions.

"It's Raven," she murmured as she dropped her shield. She felt slightly dizzy from keeping it up for so long, but she was still able to take down several of the minions.

They finished in a few minutes, easily and quickly. Raven began to use her powers to locate Control Freak.

"He's in the park," she said, and after pinpointing his location, she teleported them to the pesky villain.

Control Freak was giddy with excitement. He had escaped the Titans! But, as he turned the corner. . .

"It's over, Control Freak. Time to go to jail."

"Aw man," he groaned as Raven teleported them all to the jail. "I thought I had beat you guys this time."

"Sorry, man, but I don't think that's gonna happen in a good long while. Not while we've got each other's backs, right Rae?" gloated Beast Boy, slinging his arm around the empath's shoulders. She involuntary flinched at the touch.

"It's Raven. And why is your arm around my shoulders?" she complained as Control Freak was shut away.

"'Cuz I like it there."

Raven groaned.

. . .

Well, that chappy took a long time to write. Sorry if the beginning is choppy. I hope you enjoyed it. Please rate, review, flames are okay as long as they are reasonable, and keep reading regular books too! Who noticed what the Titans forgot? Post in the comments what you think.

ITNOJ- SHB😉


	4. What Happened?

Quick A/N: Wow. Just wow. Here I am, throwing a pity party for myself, when I have 10 followers, 8 favorites, and another review! (Wait, should I count your reviews, N0raDrake.? IDK, cause you're my friend.) I am so oblivious. Sorry everyone for the wait. I haven't had any inspiration anyways. And I'm trying to work on rewriting the first three chappies (changing the format a little, making them longer/expanding on them, making them more fluid, etc.) (actually, not really, whoops! I revised BTW instead. LOL O.o).

Thank you so much! Having been on FanFiction for a while now, I finally get the stupidity of looking at reviews for support. Even though reviews would be much appreciated (hint, hint).

I hope this chapter somewhat makes up for the long absence.

N.B.- In this chapter, _italics_ means a flashback. **Bold** still equals thoughts.

WARNING- This chapter contains mildly violent descriptions. If you are sensitive in regard to such things, please take caution if you proceed to read this chapter.

 **DISCLAIMER** : I don't own Teen Titans. Never have, never will (probably).

For you!

. . .

Chapter Four: What Happened?

Beast Boy was in a fitful sleep ever since the moment he hit his pillow, his dreams plagued with visions of Terra.

There she was, eating pizza and laughing with all of them.

 _Dozens and dozens of pizza boxes stood in tall stacks around the table the Titans were sitting at. They were, of course empty. (I mean, what did you expect?)  
Even though Raven had her nose buried in a book, the others were clearly enjoying themselves, laughing with each other. Cyborg stood victorious with one leg on the table as Starfire, giggling, lifted his arm above his head. Robin put his head on his arms wearily as he waved a white flag slowly back and forth, a sign of his surrender as he lost the pizza-eating contest.  
Beast Boy, slumping as he sat on the bench, wearily gripped Terra's shoulder as she stood in front of him, looking like he was about to be sick from eating too much pizza. She used the hand on her other side to grasp his arm gently as she chuckled._

There she was, eating some of Star's Tamaranean food.

 _"Might you now wish to partake of my homemade glork?" asked Starfire innocently.  
_ _"NO!" shouted the others in horror, attempting to save Terra's stomach from whatever concoction Starfire had whipped up this time.  
Terra paid no attention to their warning and gulped down the greenish, translucent, pink-root-filled, gelatinous dish all at once. She pondered it out loud.  
"Tastes like sushi mixed with ice cream." She gave the plate a long lick before eagerly continuing. "Got any more?"  
Starfire nodded, clearly delighted. "I shall go cultivate the fungus!" she said, nodding as she floated, then dashed away, the other Titans still freaking out all the while._

There she was, stopping Mumbo Jumbo all on her own (although it was mostly unplanned).

 _Mumbo Jumbo kicked open the doors to the bank, each of his hands gripping a sack of money. He cackled gleefully as Robin and Beast Boy chased after him.  
Suddenly, however, he was hit by a giant stone fist rising out of the ground and he flew up into the air, some of the money he stole escaping his bags and fluttering down to the ground. The Titans looked up at him, surprised.  
_ _Terra looked up at him as well, surprised at what she had accomplished, when Robin let out an excited, "Yes!", punching his fists into the air.  
_ _Beside him, Beast Boy also punched the air, saying, "Go Terra!" as Robin waved back and forth in a celebratory dance. She laughed happily._

There she was, sitting by his side on the Ferris Wheel.

 _Beast Boy slid over on the seat to be at her side. "So. . . what made you change your mind?"_  
 _The smile on Terra's face disappeared. "Excuse me?" she asked in a high voice, turning around to face him._  
 _"About going out with me," he replied with a small smile. Then he smirked devilishly, making his eyebrows go up and down. "It was the ears, wasn't it. Chicks looooove the pointy ears." To go along with that statement, he wiggled his ears playfully._  
 _She chuckled. "Actually, it was because. . ." Her smile faded once more. "Of all the things I could've done today, I realized all I really wanted to do was spend time with you." A small smile came onto her face as she said it._  
 _Beast Boy smiled back at her. "Lucky for me you didn't have any other plans."_  
 _She turned away and lost her smile a third time. "Beast Boy, if you knew something bad about me, would you still be my friend?" She turned her eyes in his direction._  
 _"Of course." He grew serious as well._  
 _"I mean, if you were_ _really_ _my friend, I could tell you anything. And no matter how horrible it was, you'd still like me, right?" Her voice faded off at the end 'till it was barely more than a whisper.  
"Yes," he replied, in an "of course" tone. "I promise, Terra. No matter what." He went over to her, and they both leaned in, closing their eyes, on the verge of a kiss. . ._

There she was, crushing the giant scorpion with a smug smirk on her face.

 _Terra made a small noise in what seemed to be fear as she pressed against the rock face of the cliff, turning her head away from the beast above her.  
Suddenly Robin appeared, ever ready to assist a person in need. But just as he shouted, "Titans, go!" and the others appeared behind him, the earth shook.  
The girl who appeared to be the damsel in distress looked up with glowing yellow eyes, flying blond hair, and a sinister smile on her face.  
_ _The natural rock bridge slowly detached from the cliffsides and slowly floated up, before coming down with a crash on the giant black scorpion, poised to strike at the girl below. As Terra enacted this maneuver, she raised her arms and yelled out with effort, "Euuuuurghhaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhuuuh!, then slammed her fists downwards.  
As the Titans wondered at her, she raised herself on a boulder to meet them at the top of the cliff. As she jumped down, she put her hands on her hips, her yellow hair swinging as she turned her head from one side to the other. She questioned them sassily, "What? Haven't you guys ever seen a superhero before?"_

There she was, heroically giving her life to save Jump City from the volcano.

 _"Terra!" He grabbed her shoulders. "Come on, we gotta go!"  
She responded solemnly with her head bowed. "I have to stay." He helped her stand up.  
"No . . ."  
"I'm the only one who can stop it."  
"Please, Terra, you can't! It's too late!" he tried to plead with her.  
She smiled and brushed her hair from her eyes. "It's never too late."  
His eyes watered, and Terra suddenly drew him into a hug.  
Her eyes watered as well, losing her somewhat cheery disposition. "You were the best friend I ever had." She pressed her face into his shoulder for a moment, then broke away. And he stepped back, and she used her powers to break off the earth he was standing on and bring it to the entrance of the cave. He watched her sadly as he was moved away, and she stood straight on the rock in the center of it all. Soon, all the Titans ran out, and Terra's body began to glow a bright shade of yellow. Molten rock began to break out and flow more rapidly as she closed her eyes, looked down, and gathered her strength. Slade's mask melted along with the liquid rock.  
Terra stretched out her arms and looked upwards, a beam of yellow light ascending from her. Then, as her hair began to flow out, she clenched her teeth, squeezed her eyes more tightly shut, and balled her hands into fists, letting out a scream of effort that echoed throughout the volcano.  
"EUAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!"_

There she was, standing next to Slade, admitting to being his apprentice and having sought his aid.

 _Mirrors enclosed her on every side, all reflecting her terrified, anxious face. She turned in all directions, but could not escape the look of fear. She collapsed onto her knees and sobbed. "Beast Boy, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. . ." she whimpered. "I never meant for any of this to happen."  
She looked up, wide-eyed, as he approached. "They why did you let it?"  
"I don't know, okay?" she responded, rising shakily to her feet. She held one hand to her head, resting atop of her disheveled hair. "I don't know." She lowered her hand. "Slade- he helped me save me from myself." She extended her arm as her voice turned to a whisper. "He said I owed him, but-"  
He cut her off coldly. "So it was all a game?! You were just pretending?" He pointed an accusing finger at her.  
She replied, eyes still wide. "No," she whispered. Her voice rose. "You said you'd be my friend no matter what, remember?" she reminded him desperately. She reached out to him, but he scowled and turned away sharply, and she drew back her hand in shock.  
He turned his head back to her as he said coldly, "Slade was right. You don't have any friends."  
Her face showed shock and horror, the whites of her eyes swamping her blue irises and black pupils. Her hair still fell haphazardly over her face, and her mouth was open in a saddened frown, her eyebrows drawn together. She then backed up as Slade spoke. "Apprentice, come." When she was in front of him, she hung her head and closed her eyes. "We've had a change of plans." Then she looked up and opened her eyes, frowning angrily and just as sinister as Slade's voice, but with the undertone of revenge in it. The master and apprentice backed up and slipped into the shadows, leaving him to grieve and brood alone in the darkness._

There she was, destroying each of her friends, one by one, with absolutely no regrets.*

 _"My name is Terra. And I have done horrible things.  
_ _"I have sworn to serve a dark master.  
_ _"I have obeyed his every command and committed crimes in his name.  
_ _"I have betrayed and attacked everyone who used to be my friend.  
_ _"One by one, I have destroyed the Teen Titans.  
_ _"And with no one left to stop me- I have brought an entire city to its knees.  
_ _"My name is Terra. I have done horrible things.  
_ _"And I have absolutely no regrets."_

There she was, denying her history as a Titan, slowly backing away from him, and retreating further into the hallway.

 _"Maybe you don't remember, but_ I do _. You're my friend. You're a_ Teen Titan _." As he stepped closer and extended his hand to her, she clutched her books to her chest and backed away.  
_ _She lowered her arms. "You're_ wrong _._ _"  
_ _"You don't belong here, Terra."  
_ _"_ _Stop calling me that!" she interjected in frustration. Her face drew together with a look of annoyance as she brushed a lock of hair behind her ear.  
_ _"It's who you_ are _."  
_ _. . .  
_ _"Come with me . . ."  
_ _She shook her head. "You go._ You're _the Teen Titan. That's who_ you _are. That's not me. I'm not a hero . . . to save the world." She looked down at her feet, then, after a pause, looked up and began backing away. "I'm just a girl with a geometry test next period, and I haven't studied."  
_ _The bell rang, and all the classroom doors opened. The flow of students broke free, and in a moment, she was gone._

There she was, saying, "Things change . . ."

 _"What do you_ want _from me?" she asked  
_ _"Why can't things just go back to the way they were?" he begged. "You were so_ happy _then."  
A moment of silence.  
_ _"Things were never the way you remember. Now just leave me alone."  
_ _"Here. Take this." He grabbed his communicator from his belt. "In case you're in trouble. In case you_ need _me." He held it out to her. "You can call me anytime."  
_ _"I don't need it."  
_ _"But-"  
_ _"Time's up." She turned away and began to walk down the hall.  
_ _"Terra. . ." he pleaded despondently.  
_ _She stopped walking and lowered her head, closing her eyes. "Things change Beast Boy." She turned back to him and looked him in the eye sadly. "The girl you want me to be is just a memory."_

 _Things change . . . Things change . . . Things change . . ._

 _Crash._ A muffled sound like shattering ceramic cut through his restless sleep and jolted him fully awake, loud to his sensitive ears. Sitting up, he rubbed his neck and yawned. Swiveling his ears towards his door, he heard the sound of a hiss and soft muttering. _Stupid fingers. I should have used my powers . . ._

Deciding to investigate, he got up, stumbled out of bed, and walked through the hallway to the common room, nearly tripping twice before he arrived. Rubbing his eyes blearily as he entered, he said, "Raven?" He looked towards the kitchen, having guessed that Raven had dropped her tea mug.

The sorceress was currently at the sink, getting a wet paper towel. On the table near her were ceramic shards, sitting in a shallow pool of tea. She was using her powers to get a dustpan and broom to sweep up the broken mug. However, when she heard Beast Boy say her name, her head shot up, startled, and all her movements paused. Even her powers abruptly stopped.

"Oh, Beast Boy," she said after a moment, turning back and resuming her work. The quiet sound of the rushing sink water made the atmosphere a little more comfortable.

"Need any help?" he asked, walking over.

"I'm fine," she replied, walking over to the spill. She reached out a hand to pick up one of the larger pieces when Beast Boy suddenly reached out and grabbed her wrist. Tugging it gently towards him, lifting it up to his face.

"You're hurt," he said with a frown, just the hint of a tiny growl in the back of his throat. Looking down at her hand, he observed the angry red covering her hand. It started at the middle of the back of her hand, then blossomed out to her fingertips, painting her hand in a sort of artistic flower, complete with a small piece of ceramic as the center.

"It's nothing." She tried to dismiss it, beginning to draw her hand back. "I can heal it later. It's just a burn, anyways."

"Heal it now," Beast Boy insisted as he held onto her wrist, preventing her from hiding it behind the folds of her cloak.

"Fine," she sighed, and she hovered her left hand over her burned one. A soft blue light emitted from her palm. Beast Boy watched as the little piece of mug floated over to the trash can, and the bright red on the back of her hand faded back to its normal pale gray.

"There. Happy?" she asked, sounding mildly annoyed.

"Yeah," he said.

"Now can you please let go of me?" She frowned at him.

"Oh! Yeah, sorry." He quickly released her wrist and rubbed his neck sheepishly. He then made use of his hands, and carefully began picking up some of the larger pieces of the mug.

"Thank you," she said quietly, using the wet paper towel to wipe the tea off the table. "What are you doing out so late, anyway?"

"I heard you." He shrugged casually. "The mug breaking woke me up, so I came to investigate."

"Oh," she said quietly. "Sorry for waking you."

"Nah," he replied. "Wasn't really sleeping well, anyways."

An awkward silence presided over the room for a moment. Then Raven stood up straight and turned away, getting ready more hot water for her tea. She pulled up her hood and waited by the stove keeping her gaze away from him.

Beast Boy leaned awkwardly against the counter. Then he gathered up a small amount of courage and began to speak.

"Uh, about what happened today. . ."

She didn't yet turn to face him, but the small incline of her head towards him indicated that she was listening to what he had to say. She hovered her hand over the kettle as he continued, his words getting faster and faster and more emotional.

"When I saw her, all the memories just came flooding through my mind, ya know? But with each memory, I remembered the way she said, 'Things change, Beast Boy. The girl you want me to be is just a memory.' And it sure sounds like she remembers. And I tried so, so hard to get her to come back, but she's not going to, she's moved on from us, from _me_. I thought that she loved me, but I guess that she doesn't love me enough to be brave enough to come back to me-" His voice cracked harshly, and he paused to gasp for breath.

Raven turned towards him, and gently reached out to touch his shoulder in a rare display of care, when he continued.

"I mean, that night when we went out together and Slade attacked the tower, we literally were _this close_ -" He held out his hand, thumb and pointer finger pinched together, before finishing the sentence, "- _this close_ to kissing." And the tears he hadn't realized were building began to stream down his cheeks.

At the completion of this sentence, Raven froze, her hand inches away from him. **They were going to kiss? How could she move on if she remembers? You don't just almost kiss someone flippantly.** But then a silent sob racked his body and snapped her out of her shock. She brought her hand down the final few inches to his shoulder and squeezed gently.

At the touch, Beast Boy looked up at Raven. Her hood was down, and even though her face was stoic as usual, he could see the worry and care etched into her features. The way her eyebrows slightly dipped down, and her lips were pressed together, and the softness in her eyes told him what she was feeling as she spoke quietly.

"I'm sorry Beast Boy."

"What for?" His voice quivered.

"That she broke your heart. That you try to hide behind a mask of cheerfulness to fool everyone into thinking you're happy. You're not alone, Garfield. We're here for you, as your friends and your family."

Neither of them noticed that she used his real name, because then she wrapped him in a hug, her head leaning against his neck and her hands rubbing up and down his back. He then returned the hug and pressed his temple against the top of her head. (Wait, when did he get a little taller than her?)

After a moment _,_ he began in a whisper. "My parents- my real parents- died when I was still a little kid. They were researchers in Africa. I- I always have blamed myself for their deaths."

(Scene break)

 _A little boy with blond hair and blue eyes ran around a little shack with his arms straight out on either side of him. He ran smack dab into a pair of legs. "_ Mama _,_ Mama _! Look at me!" he cried. "I'm a birdie!"  
_ _The legs belonged to a brunette haired woman, who looked down at her son affectionately. "Yes," she said, "You're just like a_ ndege mdogo _."  
_ _The boy hugged her legs fiercely. "Can I go play outside? Can I? Can I?"  
_ _The woman sighed and smiled gently. "I'm sorry,_ mwanangu _, but_ Baba _and I are working on our experiments right now. We can't watch you."  
_ _"I'll be careful!" he insisted. "I always am! You and_ Baba _let me out by myself yesterday, and the day before that, and the day before that, and-" He continued to repeat those five words over and over until he ran out of air and stopped to take a huge breath.  
_ _His mother sighed and pretended to frown thoughtfully. "I don't know. . ." she said, working hard to hide her smile.  
_ _He pouted. "Pleeeeaaaaase_ Mama _?" he begged, his blue eyes wide.  
_ _She let her grin break through. "Okay," she said. "But be careful! You never know what kinds of creatures are around."  
_ _"Yay!" The boy grinned and squeezed tighter before letting go and hopping to the door. At the door, he turned back and waved cheerfully before skipping outside the hut.  
_ _The woman sighed and smiled at the door before turning back to her work._

 _Meanwhile, the boy's father was heading back to the small house with some new samples for their experiments. He passed by his son, and asked him, "Did_ Mama _let you go outside?"  
_ _The little boy nodded excitedly. "Yes! She said that I could plaaay!"  
_ _The man grinned. "Well then,_ paka _, have fun out here!"  
_ _He whined. "_ Baba _, don't call me that. Just cuz I have the name of a cat doesn't mean_ _that_ I'm _a cat."  
_ _His father grinned again and rumpled the boy's blond hair. "I know, I was just teasing you,_ Garfield _." His son stuck out his tongue._ _"Now go play."  
_ _The boy scampered off as the man ran a hand through his own blond hair and continued towards their dwelling._

 _As he entered, his wife greeted him. "Back so soon, Mark?" She finished writing a note in her lab journal and closed it to walk over to the door."  
_ _Mark smiled. "I was able to find the materials we needed for the new serum. I'm thinking this one may actually work well with animal and human DNA. Can you believe it, Marie? I think we're getting close to what we've been trying to accomplish."  
_ _Marie smiled back at him excitedly. "I just finished writing some notes, and I think that if we-"  
_ _A child's scream pierced the air. The parents were wide-eyed with worry. "Gar!" they both cried out, and ran out the door._

 _Garfield was scared. The big green monkey didn't look friendly. It had suddenly jumped out at him while he was skipping down the path, and screeched at him loudly.  
_ _He stared at it anxiously and began to slowly back away, when it lunged at him_ _. He scrambled backward and fell onto his back with a scream, the strange creature just barely missing him. Tears began falling down the like boy's cheeks as he sat up, crawling backward. The green simian crept closer, when-  
_ _"GARFIELD!" He turned to see his parents running down the path towards him.  
_ "MAMA _!_ BABA _!" he cried out, getting up to run to them.  
_ _But the monkey had other plans. It lunged a second time at him and clamped down onto his arm, drawing blood, then scampered off into the trees as the child stumbled while screaming in pain.  
_ _The two adults quickened their pace, reaching Garfield in an instant. Mark scooped the crying boy into his arms.  
_ _"That was a Sakutia monkey!" Marie cried, gently grabbing Gar's arm. She turned it to look at the wound. "No. . ." she gasped.  
_ _A sickly green color was beginning to spread out across his arm from the bite area. His sobs quieted as he began to drift into unconsciousness.  
_ _"Gar, honey," his mother began as the ran back down the path. "You have to stay awake, okay? You have to stay awake."  
_ _"But I'm so tired,_ Mama _, and it hurts so bad. It hurts," he mumbled sleepily.  
_ _"Garfield?" No response. "GARFIELD!" She shrieked frantically.  
_ _Mark jostled the boy in his arms. "I know it hurts, and I know you're tired, but you need to keep your eyes open." He repeated this more loudly. "You need to keep your eyes open,_ paka _!"  
_ _Garfield sluggishly opened his eyes halfway. "Don't call me that,_ Baba _. I'm not a kitty cat," he answered half-heartedly. His eyes began to drop once more. By this time, they were half of the way back to their home.  
_ _Abruptly, his mother spoke in a sing-songy voice. "Gar-field! If you stay awake, I'll make you your favorite dinner tonight!" she attempted to persuade him.  
_ _"Really?" he asked, eyes opening once more.  
_ _"Mmmhmm," she replied, seeing the house ahead. "We're almost there, honey. You just need to hold on for a little bit longer, okay?"  
_ _"Okay." He struggled to keep his eyelids open, tempted by the promise of his favorite dinner._

 _As soon as they entered the house, Mark set down Garfield on an empty table before looking around the house for certain items. Marie immediately went to her son's side, taking his hand and squeezing, both comfortingly and to keep him awake. When Mark returned, he was holding a small jar in one hand, and a syringe in the other. He began to fill the syringe with cautious, practiced hands.  
_ _Marie gasped and tightened her grip even further, her eyes widening. "The serum? But it's untested! Are you sure it's safe?"  
_ _Mark replied grimly. "This is our only hope. The only other choice we have is to let him die." His jaw tightened as he finished, and he carefully set the jar aside without thinking.  
_ _Marie still looked frightened, but nodded. She reached down and gently brushed some hair off of Garfield's face. "It's going to hurt,_ mwanangu _, but you'll be okay, alright?"  
_ _He mumbled something unintelligible back under his breath, losing against the foggy pain clouding his head despite his best efforts. Marie became_ _frantic. "Do it! Before it's too late!" Tears streaked down her cheeks.  
_ _Mark's hand trembled for a moment, before he gathered his strength, and, bracing himself, plunged the needle into his little boy's arm. It took all of his willpower to completely empty the syringe, before setting it aside and standing by his wife._

 _The haze in Garfield's mind suddenly turned into a splitting agony that felt as if it was ripping him into a thousand pieces. He screamed and cried out in pain as tears ran down his cheeks, and his shaking body thrashed and convulsed from its place on the table. Marie squeezed his hand tightly, and covered her mouth with her other hand as she watched her son suffer, tears overflowing from her own eyes. Mark wrapped an arm around her, his eyes bringing and his brow drawn together. Mark and Marie Logan trembled as they saw their child undergoing what would change his life forever._

(Scene break)

 _Garfield slowly woke from unconsciousness to the gentle sound of dripping water. From behind his eyelids, he could tell that the sun was shining. A cool cloth was lowered onto his forehead, and he enjoyed the comforting feeling of it for a moment, before deciding to slowly open his eyes. He cracked then open the slightest bit, squinting at the sunshine before attempting to open his eyes fully.  
_ _His mother, who was sitting beside him, gasped as she saw him awaken. She called out to her husband earnestly. "Mark! He's awake!" She warily brushed his hair off of his forehead and gently spread out the damp cloth that she had placed there._

 _Mark appeared by Marie's side in an instant, and intertwined their hands, looking down at Garfield. "How do you feel,_ mwanangu _? Does it hurt anywhere?" he asked, a hesitant smile on his worried face. He grabbed the cloth and put it back in the bowl of water.  
Garfield grinned lazily. "I'm kinda sleepy. But I don't hurt anywhere._ _"  
Marie smiled comfortingly. "That's good, honey." She paused as she looked at her husband, then looked back at her son. "Do you think you can sit up?"  
He nodded and propped himself on his pillows. "Can I get out of bed,_ Mama _?" he asked eagerly. His eyes sparkled.  
_ _She hesitated, but gave her consent. "Alright, but be careful. You'll probably be unsteady still." She wrapped her arms around him and lifted him down, supporting him as he wobbled for a moment on the floor while looking at her. Then he regained his balance and smiled.  
_ _"I'm gonna use the bathroom," he grinned, then scampered off. Marie looked after him anxiously. Mark pulled her into a side embrace. "He seems okay," he murmured into her ear. "He's as bright-spirited as ever."  
_ _She leaned her head on his shoulder. "I'm still afraid though," she said softly. "Because of-" She was cut off by a scream of horror coming from another part of the house. Her eyes widened, and she rushed off to the bathroom, Mark following right behind her._

 _When the worried parents rushed into the room, they saw Garfield, staring at the small mirror on the wall, eyes flicking between his image and his hand raised in front of him. Marie gasped in realization, and hastened to his side, pulling him tight against her, trying to pull his face away from the sight before him. Mark pressed his lips together grimly, knowing that this moment was inevitable._

 _For though the boy had once been a little blond-haired blue-eyed angel, the bite from the Sakutia monkey had drastically changed him. His hair was now green, as well as all his skin, even what was hidden beneath his clothing and the bandage on his arm. His eyes had changed from their wonder-filled blue to a deep green hue. The tops of his ears were no longer in a normal rounded form but were shaped into points, much like an elf's. He had a strange wildness about him, not like the freeness of before, but instead with a more primal feel to it.  
_ _The little boy couldn't draw his eyes away from the terrible sight before him. His horror and shock came streaming in salty water down his cheeks as he took in his new body, terrified by what he saw. Marie could hardly look herself as she rubbed circles on his back. She murmured softly to him. "Oh, Garfield, honey, I'm so sorry. It'll be okay. We were going to tell you, but it slipped out of our minds. Hush, shhh, I'm so sorry." Mark's jaw tightened, but then he came over and also wrapped Garfield into an embrace. The boy finally could bear his reflection no longer, and buried his face it his mother's chest, shoulders shaking._

 _And the three anguished souls knelt there in horror and sorrow, sobbing and clutching each other tightly. The firmness of his parents' embrace reassured Garfield that they would always love him, and that they would be there, no matter what. It silently promised that his family would always support him through each trial in his life. Their words did too; they whispered these things to him, that they would always be by his side, to love him and to give him strength._

"But they lied," Beast Boy said, his voice not bitter, but broken. "They lied."

(Scene break)

. . .

CLIFFHANGER! But you guys know the story, so, it's not _really_ a cliffhanger, but, still- anyways . . . never mind.

Whooh, looong chapter I cranked out there (at least, for me it was long XD).

Hope you enjoyed this nice, long update (well, long for me to write, anyway.) I was actually planning on making this chapter waaay longer, but this seemed like a _perfect_ place to stop, so I'm breaking it up into two parts. And the next update will come out quicker. Hopefully.

ITNOJ- SHB 😉


	5. The Pain of Memories

Quick A/N: Yay! I didn't wait a whole however many months to update! I've been so excited to write Chapter Four and Five; I really had inspiration for them. I just loved writing the flashbacks of Gar's childhood in Africa with his parents. Is it bad that I love writing tragic scenes where everyone cries?

But after this, no idea what I'm doing. Mmmmmm . . . that's not good. XD

WARNING- This chapter contains mildly violent descriptions. If you are sensitive in regard to such things, please take caution if you proceed to read this chapter.

 **DISCLAIMER** **:** Teen Titans and DC belong to someone other than me. Someone way better than this lowly FanFiction writer.

. . .

Chapter Five: The Pain of Memories

 _"They lied."_

"It all started with my first transformation."

 _The hot, heavy African air was almost_ _oppressive that fateful day. Three figures were walking through the trees, one much shorter than the other two.  
_ _"_ Mama _!_ Baba _!" the young boy shouted as he skipped up ahead of the two adults. He turned back around to face them. "What are we looking for today? Tell me, tell me!" He scratched his neck beneath his mop of green hair as he looked back at them with wide emerald eyes.  
_ _"We already told you, it's a secret." Marie chuckled gently at the little boy's antics. Though his appearance had changed greatly, his spirit had not changed at all. At least, it seemed so._

 _After the strange transformation that young Garfield underwent, his new green skin, green eyes, and fangs didn't seem to bother him too much. He managed to bite his lip or cut his cheek many times in the first few days, but he remained lively and playful as ever. He did take care to avoid puddles, mirrors, glass, or other reflective surfaces as well as he could, and faltered whenever he caught a glimpse of his skin, which happened more often than he would have liked, grazed a pointed tooth with his tongue, or when his parents' hands, or even his own, brushed against the tips of his ears. But after that moment, he would bounce back more lively than ever, to the relief of his parents. Still, they no longer took him with them on their trips to the nearby village, afraid that it would cause chaos among the natives, who would surely call it some sort of "witchcraft".  
Today, however, they allowed him to accompany them on their trek through the forest to gather resources they would need for their next experiments, to give him a reprieve from his isolation in the cramped house they had. The young boy definitely had not lost his broad and wandering personality, and the hut was much too small for him to be confined to._

 _Marie smiled gently at her son ahead of her as he bounced a little farther ahead. She squeezed her husband's hand as they walked along, a solemn expression on her face. Mark looked over at her and squeezed her hand in return. "What's wrong?" he asked.  
She frowned. "I'm worried for Garfield," she murmured. The two of them had discussed similar matters many times since their son had been bitten, after they had put Garfield to bed for the night, and spoke in hushed tones as they sat around a current experiment in the flickering light, or as they lay together in bed in the darkness. Still, neither had been reassured about what the future would hold for their child.  
"I'm happy that he isn't seeming to take it too hard, but . . . others are sure to treat him terribly. With his . . . different colors, people are bound to ask questions, to pester him or molest him for the way he looks, and they'll judge him for his appearance rather than the sweet boy behind the green skin and hair, the pointed teeth and ears." She gripped his hand tighter. "I'm afraid for the day when he'll go out into the world by himself.  
"I wish that we could protect him forever, that we could hide him in Africa forever. But that's not fair to him. He should be able to see the world, to experience life in the real world. I wish that we could always be there forever, to shield him from the cruelty in that world, but that's impossible. Sooner or later, it will be time for him to leave our arms and plunge into the icy depths of the world alone.  
"I don't know what to do." Her eyes grew moist as she gazed longingly into the air before her. Mark listened wordlessly to his wife's fears and was about to respond when Garfield called out from ahead.  
"Come see,_ Baba _! Look,_ Mama _! It's a rock badger!" He pointed further along the path as he looked back at his parents.  
Mark squeezed Marie's hand before beginning down the path, wordlessly communicating that they could finish talking later. Marie waited a few moments to dry her eyes and gain her composure before going ahead. As she walked slowly down the path, she made sure to put a smile on her face as she approached-_

 _Hisssss._ Hissssssssss.

 _Marie immediately froze in place, darting her eyes around to look for the source of the sound. Then, slightly to her left, she saw movement and focused her eyes on it.  
The slender body of a black mamba slithered slightly from its position on a log next to the path. Its narrow hood was raised, and it was gaping, its mouth open wide and its tongue flicking in a sign of warning.  
Marie forced herself to stay calm, knowing that any sudden movement could set the black mamba off, and it would surely strike her with its incredible agility, speed, and launch power. Still, fear set in her heart at the sight of the deadly snake.  
"Mark," she called out softly, her voice quavering. As he turned towards her, she indicated with her eyes towards the snake. As soon as he saw it, he too froze, his hand coming onto Garfield's shoulder to keep his son in place. Garfield knew well the dangers of the African wildlife anyways, having been firmly taught by his parents. His parents had told him much about the black mamba, its habits, predators, natural shyness, and most importantly, that sudden movement would cause it to strike.  
Luck was not on their side, for this particular snake did not seem shy at all. While practically all other black mambas would retreat after seeing that they posed no threat, this one was quite uncharacteristically aggressive and tensed to strike._

 _For Garfield, time seemed to slow down. As he saw the snake prepare to move, his mind immediately flashed to all the things his parents had told him about the black mamba.  
_ "The black mamba is one of the less aggressive snakes. It will not usually strike unless it senses sudden movement, which it would see as a threat . . .  
"The black mamba is one of the deadliest snakes in the world. If you get bitten, it only takes two drops of its venom to kill you . . .  
"The black mamba is extremely fast and agile. It also has enough strength to strike very powerfully . . .  
"If you get too close to a black mamba, it will raise its hood, and open its mouth at you, flicking its tongue as a warning not to get any closer . . .  
"One of the main predators of the black mamba is the mongoose, which is immune to their venom . . ."  
 _As he saw the mongoose in his mind, his body began to change. He shrank down as he landed on his hands and knees. His lower face stretched out and tapered to a blunt point- his nose was black and small and no longer like that of a human. His mouth was also stretched, and filled with sharpened teeth. His ears moved to the top of his head and changed to more of a triangle shape. His limbs reduced greatly in size, and his hands and feet turned to small paws. His body elongated as a bushy tail sprouted above his legs. All the while, stiff green fur covered him from head to toe.  
In a moment, Garfield had turned from a green boy to a green Indian gray mongoose._

 _Immediately he lunged at the black mamba as time sped up again, quickly gathering the snake's attention. The mamba snapped towards him and struck, but he jumped back and dodged the attack. Circling around, he tricked the snake into attacking again, which he avoided by jumping to the side.  
Meanwhile, Mark rushed over to his wife, and they both watched Garfield, terrified by the flurry of green and black and the rising cloud of dust, astonished by what was happening. He grabbed her hands and pulled her close to him.  
"Garfield," whispered Marie, eyes wide as she peered into the dust. "Please be alright."  
The sounds of the scuffle stopped. The two adults scanned the dust fearfully, searching for their son. "Garfield?!" cried Marie, vision blurring with tears.  
The dust settled, allowing the parents to see a small green boy, on his hands and knees, breathing heavily, the body of a dead snake a few feet away from him. Mark grabbed a long stick and rushed to bat the corpse away as Marie raced to their son. She wrapped her arms around him and squeezed tight, tears falling freely. "Oh, Garfield," she sobbed. "You're alive!" She pulled him closer. "Are you alright?" She held him at arm's length to scan his face for injury before crushing him in an embrace once more. Mark tossed the stick aside and kneeled with them, holding them tight. And the three of them sat there in the dust for a long time, holding each other close, and fearful of what had happened._

 _So the young Garfield Logan had transformed for the first time. And it would not be the last time._

(Scene break)

"After my first spontaneous transformation, I began to practice using my powers. I could only really change into small animals, like . . . birds. And we were happy enough. Until the day . . ."

 _A small boat floated down the bubbling river. In it were three people, two adults and one a conspicuous green shade. The Logan family had decided to take their searching and experimenting towards the water, hoping that they would find results there.  
_ _Garfield was happy to be in the boat with them. He greatly enjoyed watching the water swirl around them, and he loved the vivid greens of the forest on either side of the banks. The gentle twittering of birds and the faint cry of animals came from the trees, and the constant rushing of water filled his ears.  
_ _Captivated by the sights and sounds, Garfield didn't notice that the roaring of the water gradually grew louder, or that his parents began to talk in hushed tones._

 _"Something isn't right," Marie whispered. "The current should be getting calmer, not swifter. We should be looping around back to the dock, but nothing looks familiar here."  
_ _Mark checked the map. "That's odd. We should be- yes, we should be right here-" he pointed to a place on the map near to the aforementioned dock- "but right now we're headed straight for-" he traced their path with his finger until he reached their destination._

 _The water continued to churn beneath the boat. Garfield laughed happily as the small waves made the boat go up and down on the river. He never noticed the look of terror on his parents' faces as they realized what was up ahead, or their anxious whispers. He clung to the side of the boat and giggled as the water splashed him on the face.  
_ _"Garfield, honey," he heard his mom say. He turned around to face her and scampered across the small boat to her.  
_ _"Yes,_ Mama _?" he replied. He looked up at her with a charming grin.  
_ _"Can you show me how you turn into a birdie?" she asked gently. She brushed a lock of hair from his forehead tenderly.  
_ _"Okay!" He smiled and bobbed his head up and down rapidly. "I like being a birdie!"  
_ _Her smile quivered. "I know you do, honey." Her voice warbled as she said those words, her eyes misting over.  
_ _"Are you okay,_ Mama _?" he asked, his green eyes shining solemnly.  
_ _She blinked back her tears and nodded, responding evenly. "Of course I am,_ mwanangu _. But if you show me and_ Baba _how you can fly really high, it will make me even happier." She smiled bravely, even though her heart was sinking deep within her chest. She felt Mark's hand squeeze her shoulder gently, silently supporting her.  
"Okay!" He nodded again and smiled. Right before shifting, he went onto his tiptoes and kissed her cheek sweetly. "I love you,_ Mama _," he said enthusiastically.  
"I love you too, Garfield," she responded gently, her eyes glassy with emotion. She watched as her little boy turned into a bird, no longer unsettled by the sight of his proportions stretching and compressing into a different form. Her vision blurred as he flapped his wings, unsteady at first, and rose into the air above the boat. She heard him chirp cheerfully as he flew higher and began to fly in circles above her.  
"He'll be alright," Mark assured her, rubbing her arms up and down. "He'll be fine."  
She nodded, but sniffled. "What kind of life will he live?" she whispered. "I'm still so afraid for him." Her eyes stayed fixed on his tiny green body, even as the water slapped against the side of the boat violently and the roar of the current nearly drowned out her voice.  
"He'll live a good, long life. He'll make good friends, do good in the world; someday he'll find a beautiful, good-hearted wife and they will have many children. He will live into old age comfortably, surrounded by those who love him. And their love will be enough to fill the hole that we left.  
Marie nodded slightly one more, barely hearing his words, but knew that he was trying to comfort himself as much as he was trying to comfort her. Their boat continued to pick up speed as they went further along, but neither acknowledged the fact. Marie suddenly began to sob, shoulders shaking as she continued to watch Garfield, now almost a mere speck in the sky. Mark pulled her against his chest and muffled her cries in him- even as tears silently ran down his own cheeks._

 _Garfield flapped his wings hard to remain in the air, bliss filling him at the exhilarating experience of flight. Every time he soared through the air, he felt peaceful and joyful; he felt light and separated from the world and all of the stress and problems of it. He wanted to tell his parents how happy he was, so he circled around in the air and scanned the river for their humble boat floating on the water-  
_ _Only to find that they were rushing rapidly down the river, nearly too fast for his little birdie wings to keep up. He suddenly registered the loud roaring noise, the bubbling water, and the helpless boat being pulled along by the current.  
_ _He flapped his wings furiously to try to reach his parents. In his head, he was screaming,_ "Mama _!_ Baba _! Wait! No!"  
_ _But he was only a little boy, and alas, he could not go fast enough, for his wings were too weak and his strength was too small. As he flew he looked ahead to see the dramatic drop of the waterfall and vainly attempted to double his efforts.  
_ _Guided by mother's intuition, Marie looked up and saw her son flying high above. As Garfield descended closer, she shouted, "YOU MUST STAY SAFE,_ MWANANGU _! DON'T COME TOO CLOSE!" He did not come lower, but continued to follow the boat as closely as he could. The edge was approaching quickly, and Marie gave one final cry._

 _"I LOVE YOU, GARFIELD!"_

 _And the boy froze mid-flight at the sight of the boat on the precipice of the cliff. He watched in terror as his loving mother and strong father crashed over the edge of the waterfall. He watched in horror as they fell the great distance to the bottom, where the boat dashed violently against the rocks with a splintering BOOM! He watched in dread as the water churned and turned a foamy red far beneath him, the jagged pieces of wood swirling among it. And he fell numbly to the ground, somehow managing to keep himself steadily aloft until he reached the jungle floor, where he shifted back to his regular human form.  
_ _"_ Mama _?_ Baba _?" he called, his voice quavering as he kneeled on his hands and knees. "_ Mama _?!_ Baba _?!" He grew yet more frantic. "_ MAMA _!_ BABA _!" He crawled to the edge of the water, straining to see or hear a response to his cries.  
_ _But there was no answer save the roaring of the waterfall, the burbling of the red foaming water, and the knock of wood against rock._

 _And Garfield wept in grief for his mother and father, the only people he had ever really known, who had saved his life yet left him alone in the dark, cold world. He laid in the dirt and sobbed for hours, sickened at the sight of the crimson-tinged water and the fragments of wood in it. And it took him several days to get up and wipe his grime-streaked face with his dirty sleeve, and stumble to the nearest village, half-dead from starvation and dehydration. And still every night, his sleep was plagued with visions of his parents, who promised they would be there for him forever, but now were gone._

(Scene break)

"I froze," Beast Boy whispered, his head hanging as he stared down at his gloved hands, fisted together on his lap. "My parents _needed_ me, and I froze in the air, just _watching_ them crash _to their deaths_."

"Beast Boy," Raven said quietly, turning over all of it in her head. He didn't hear her.

"I _froze._ I froze, and now my parents are _dead_ because of _me_. If I had done something, they could still be alive today-"

"Beast Boy." Raven put a hand on his shoulder, interrupting him. "It's not your fault. There was nothing you could have done."

"But it _is_!" he argued. His fists tightened. "I could've shifted into something bigger, something stronger, if I had practiced more. But I froze and _let them fall_ -"

"Best Boy," Raven said sternly. "Look at me." She waited, her hands on both his shoulders, until he turned his head towards her, to continue. "It's _not_ your fault. You can't blame yourself for something you had no control over."

"But-"

"NO. You were just a _kid_. There was no way you could have prevented it." She looked directly into his eyes, trying to get her message clearly across. "You can't blame yourself for being afraid. You need to _stop_ carrying all this guilt and self-pity inside you and you need to face the facts."

As Beast Boy looked at her, he could only find sincerity in her words and her tone, and he struggled to believe them himself. Though sprang unbidden into his mind and visions flashed before his eyes.

 _ **It's your fault.**_

 _ **You're to blame.**_

 _ **There was nothing you could have done.**_

 _ **You FROZE!**_

 _ **I LOVE YOU, GARFIELD!**_

 _ **FACE THE FACTS.**_

 _ **I'm sorry.**_

 _ **I'm so sorry.**_

 _ **They lied.**_

 _ **Am I to blame?**_

 _ **Could I have done anything?**_

 _ **If you had acted sooner, they would still be alive!**_

 _ **You were just a kid.**_

 ** _You LET THEM FALL!_**

 ** _YOU are_ responsibl _e for their_ deaths _!_**

 ** _You can't blame yourself._**

 ** _You're not alone, Garfield._**

 ** _We're here for you._**

 _His parents' kind faces._

 _Their looks of terror as they crashed down the waterfall._

 _His mother's gentle smile.  
_

 _His father's low laugh as he walked beside him._

 _Mento's displeased frown._

 _Elasti-Girl's comforting features._

 _Terra's charming grin._

 _Her fearful look as her powers went out of control._

 _Her hatred as she pummeled him with rocks._

 _Her bravery as she faced the volcano._

 _Robin._

 _Starfire._

 _Cyborg._

 _Raven._

 _"We're here for you, as your friends and family."_

"It's not my fault."

(Scene break)

"I'm afraid." His voice trembled. "I'm afraid. After my parents' deaths, I blamed myself. I held myself responsible for what happened to them. I failed my parents and lost everything I cared about. I failed the Doom Patrol, many times. I was always a disappointment to Mento, never making the right decisions about the Brotherhood of Evil. I never seemed to meet his expectations- I could never reach his standards. They were the first real family I had after my parents' deaths, and I failed them over and over. I failed Terra, the first girl I ever loved*. I promised her that I would still like her, no matter what, no matter how bad her secret was. But I broke my promise. When she told me that she was Slade's apprentice, I got angry. I was heartbroken and angry, and I pushed her away- I told her she had no friends!- I shoved her right into the arms of Slade. I failed her in the volcano. I let her sacrifice herself to save us and Jump City, but I never found a way to set her free. I've let down everyone in my life that I've ever cared about, and I'm so afraid that I will fail you guys. The Titans . . . you guys are my family now. You mean so much to me, I don't know if I could forgive myself if I let anything happen to you guys. I'm afraid that I'll be a failure to you guys, just like to everyone else. I'm afraid that it'll be my fault that something bad happens." He looked tearfully at Raven. "I'm afraid of being a failure. I'm afraid of failing my family."

Raven squeezed his shoulder gently. "Beast Boy, you're _not_ a failure to any of us. No matter what anyone says or thinks, you are not a failure. You do the best you can, and that is enough. Everyone has times when they fail, but that doesn't make them a failure. You are an amazing person, Beast Boy, and nothing can change our minds about loving you. You are our friend, you are part of our family. We support each other. We all fail at times. But we will always have each others' backs. We work as a team. You don't have to hold all this responsibility and fear on your shoulders. You don't have to feel so weighed down."

Beast Boy closed his eyes. He took a deep breath, and even as a tear rolled down his cheek, as soon as he exhaled, he felt a thousand times lighter. He could feel his crushed spirit begin to mend just slightly, and when he opened his eyes he managed a small smile.

"Feel better?" Raven asked. Her hands were now folded lightly in her lap as she watched him.

"Yeah," he replied quietly. "A lot." He briefly swiped at his eyes.

They sat in silence for a little while before Beast Boy spoke again.

"It's really late. We should get to bed." He guessed it was probably about 12:30 at the moment. "We've got a training day tomorrow."

Raven groaned mentally. Training days meant getting up at 5 o'clock and starting immediately, because Robin was such a pain sometimes. She could already imagine how sore and bruised she would be afterwards. And training meant that everyone would be irritable for the whole day.

They walked together out of the common room. The lights flicked off as the door swished closed behind them and they headed down the hall toward Raven's room. The pair ambled along in a comfortable silence, each contemplating his/her own thoughts. Once they reached her bedroom, Raven acknowledged him with a slight nod of the head, before turning to walk in, the door sliding open before her.

"Wait, Ray," Beast Boy interjected suddenly. He grabbed her wrist gently, and she turned back around to face him.

He paused a moment, gathering his thoughts before continuing. "Thank you." And though he said nothing further, Raven knew exactly what he meant. She could see it in his gleaming emerald eyes; she could hear it in the steadiness of his tone; she could feel it in his gentle touch.

She gave him a rare genuine smile, and withdrew from his grip before turning back toward her room. As she walked through, she turned her head back to him. Her response was just as simple.

"You're welcome."

The door closed behind her.

(Scene break)

. . .

Aaand that's the chapter! I hope you enjoyed it! Be sure to let me know in a review.

A sincere thanks to all those who are still following this story. I really do appreciate it.

ITNOJ-SHB 😉


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